Emotional Sobriety

I worked on the Igo Branch painting this morning. There’s a lot going on in the image but I tried to simplify it the best I could. My main focus was creating the shadow under the overhang so you get a sense of how the walkway works. I think I’ll be able to finish it tomorrow.

While I worked I listened to a podcast about cultural appropriation and being a writer. The host and guests spoke about two books by white people that feature BIPOC characters: American Dirt and The Help. I have not read American Dirt, but have heard a lot of criticism about it, and I have read The Help. I will admit that I liked it. It was a familiar story about a white person who acted heroically during the civil rights movement.

Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s I heard a lot of stories about the civil rights movement and imagined myself being one of those heroic white people. But as I’ve progressed and moved beyond that time period it has become clear that white people have soothed ourselves with stories of our heroism rather than acknowledging our villainy.

I think I may be a decent white person but I’m not always sure. I admit that I sometimes have to talk myself out of negative feelings towards BIPOC- defensive, critical, dismissive - into an open and accepting one. When I listen to people of color I often want to defend myself and defend other white people. I have to remind myself that I’m privileged and that it’s understandable that people of color are angry. 

I read a Twitter post after Roe was overturned that said: Women, I’ve long wondered why you don’t kill us all [men] in our sleep. If you do, I will understand. When I’m emotionally sober, and I’m prepared to look at the world from a wide point of view, I feel the same about people of color, especially black people. When I can see things from the point of view of a Native American, a descendent of slaves (with European DNA no less), from Asians, immigrants, and hispanics, I wonder how we (white folk) have gotten away with the atrocities we have. 

But I also have moments when I’m not emotionally sober, when I feel as petty and selfish as a child. Is it ok to talk about that? Or is it the equivalent of joining the Trump movement? My goal is to be part of a liberal democracy. I’m grateful to the white people out there who don’t get defensive, who always keep their heads on straight. In fact, I’m also grateful to the people of color who don’t resort to violence. The people keeping a level head probably could be called heroic. I have relied on them to push me along and show me how to be a good person. A good neighbor. A good Christian (Buddhist, whatever). I aspire to be that.

I’m realizing that not all conversations are meant for me. I’m not included in them all. When a group of BIPOC get together to record a podcast about cultural appropriation and being a writer, that’s not a conversation for me to participate in. It’s a conversation for me to listen to, to observe. I didn’t like everything I heard, but pleasing me wasn’t the point.

The takeaway was that it’s ok to write about whoever you want to write about. But, Roxane Gay said, if you do, do it well, or you’ll get panned. By her, at least. People still like The Help. It was made into a movie that was also hugely popular. And American Dirt was chosen by Oprah for her book club where she encouraged readers to ‘lean in’ and ‘embark on a conversation without having to cancel, dismiss, or silence anyone’.

With so many outlets, so many ways for people to speak and be heard, it’s often overwhelming. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? How perfect do we have to be? If you’re white, is it ok to say the wrong thing and apologize and not be cancelled as a Trumper? Do people of color, and writers of color, automatically get a free pass and get permission to say whatever they want towards and about white people? And who calls BIPOC out if they step over the line?

I’m glad I listened to that podcast (The Ezra Klein Show, August 2, 2022). I’m glad I got myself to think and write about difficult subjects. With all the threats of violence going on, all the frenzied, ultra-right conservatives calling for civil war, I’m glad I took the time to get reactionary so I could work my way back to emotional sobriety.