I forget how good it feels to be outside, even for just and hour. I set up my easel in the front yard this morning and worked on my ‘house portrait’. I’d put down the foundation last week, before I was sick, so I was really just putting in highlights and lowlights. I decided to move a window, so I was unable to complete it today. Once it’s done I’ll use it to try and get some commissions.
My neighborhood is quiet, quieter than some state parks I’ve been to. I always think I’m going to go camping and relax in the peace of the outdoors, but a lot of parks are just off highways. I went to Goliad State Park a year ago and I was right next to a highway that did not stop all night. Same with Seminole Canyon. Eighteen wheelers all night long. At Pedernales Falls State Park I listened to planes, I’m guessing from Austin-Bergstrum Airport. It’s hard to get away from people, from noise and chaos, and bustle.
Sometimes I think about moving. I entertain thoughts of relocating when I get irritated or unhappy. But it’s hard to imagine where I’d want to go these days. The only place I can think of is back in time, when there weren’t so many people. I can remember living in Austin in the 90’s and in the summer months there was no one there. You’d drive around all day and it was like a ghost town. All the students would leave for the summer and anyone who stayed in town was inside in the A/C all day.
San Antonio was similar twenty-five years ago. It seemed like no one was here in August. Maybe people had the means to travel and get away during the hottest time of the year. Now it’s just as crowded when we have triple digits for four months straight. Either people don’t go anywhere anymore or there’s twice as many people on the planet, or both.
Sometimes I think about moving to a small town but the first thing I think of is the library. Would I be able to find the books I want? What about food, groceries and restaurants? I can’t live on BBQ and Mexican food, as much as I like them, I’d get burnt out quick. Plus, what would it be like politically to live in a small town? I’d be the only Democrat showing up to vote. That would be awkward. I feel like I’d have to keep to myself and keep a low profile.
I don’t think America was great in the past. I know there were just as many problems as there are today. But there are so many people. It’s hard to travel. Driving to Dallas is practically bumper to bumper. Is it just going to continue? Will the population continue to grow? What will it be like when I’m in my 80’s. When my grandmother decided to stop driving she talked about traffic and how much it had changed. She said it was harder to get places and everyone was in a hurry. I think that same change has happened since I started driving thirty five years ago.
Normally I’m good at looking at things from a positive perspective. I don’t normally dwell on the negative. But population growth is the one thing I can’t seem to deal with. I went to Berlin, Germany in 2004. I remember being confused while I was there, not sure if the Brandenburg Gate was in the middle of the city or in the country. When I got home I happened to read an article about noise pollution and discovered that Germany has the highest restrictions in the world. Suddenly it made sense. I was, in fact, in central Berlin, but it was so quiet it didn’t seem like a large city to me. I felt like I was in an American suburb.
Maybe what I need to do is fight noise pollution. Maybe that would make it seem like there weren’t so many people in the world. And I might as well throw in light pollution. If you look at light maps of Texas you can see I-10 getting lighter and lighter over the years. It’s where people go to star gaze. What will happen in 20 or 30 years?
So I guess people aren’t the problem. The problem (my problem) is pollution. My problem is our impact on the environment, our impact on each other. When I spend an hour outside, hearing the birds, feeling sun on my face, feeling the breeze, my spirits are lifted. Even though I live in the city I need nature. I need to reconnect with it regularly, and I’m afraid the more people there are in world the less nature there will be. It's soul crushing to think about.