Inner Direction

Despite the fact that today is a holiday I got up and worked on my novel and then worked on two of my ‘house portrait’ commissions. I finished my first painting. I’ll reach out to them tomorrow to tell them I’m done. The second one is close. I spent most of my time this morning working on it. I changed the angle of the roof, which wasn’t that big of a deal, but still, I spend so much time drawing it’s frustrating to have to redo it.

Tomorrow I’ll get started on my other commissions. I’ve got a pet portrait and a painting of a church. Both are paintings from photos, so they shouldn’t be too difficult. Painting in plein air is what’s tough. Thoroughly enjoyable, but tough.

Yesterday I spent most of the day engrossed in a book. I’m going though a 19th century phase and started reading about the Transcendentalists. I got a book from the library that seemed like a good pick from the search: Transcendentalists and Their World, by Robert Gross. When I got it home though I discovered it’s a 600 page history of Concord, Massachusetts, a little more than what I was looking for. I’ve probably already mentioned this in previous posts but bear with me. It is a massive book and I have read 350 pages. 

The first 300 pages are about Concord - the churches, the primary businesses and newspapers from the late 1700’s to the 1830’s. It covers who preached, who sold what and to whom (lots of liquor), who’s farms were prosperous and who’s weren’t, what people did, who socialized with whom and why. There were white folks and free blacks who seemed to live segregated but peacefully. 

This was a time in American history when lending libraries became popular, debate clubs were common, and lyceums were used not only to educate, but to give people something to do other than go to the pubs. Ralph Waldo Emerson gained popularity by being a speaker. He went to lyceums throughout New England to speak, eventually helping transcendentalism become popular. 

Transcendentalists believed that society would be stronger if we were more individualistic. It also promoted the idea that immersing oneself in the natural world is a way to connect with the divine. Both radical ideas for the time. Emerson believed, as the Quakers did, in the still small voice within, and that this voice enabled us to make decisions that were right for us. I think transcendentalists were transitioning away from finding power through association and instead finding it from within. Living an inner-directed life as opposed to looking to others for answers. 

I find that living an inner-directed life is something that I’ve done very little of, or rather, did very little of growing up. I was more aware of what everyone else was feeling than of what I was feeling. In fact, I was pretty clueless about my wants and needs. It’s taken me a long time to transition away from finding power through association. Being a people-pleaser was what I was was raised to do and I did it well. 

Having said that though, I think the inner-directed versus outer-directed life requires balance. I mean, if all I do is think about myself and my own needs than I’m not living in unity with others. I’m just isolating. I’m going to finish the book and read some of Emersons essays to see what he thought. My understanding of Transcendentalism is basic, but so far I like what I’ve read. With everything going on in the world I’m trying to understand the basics of democracy, of what it takes to participate in one, and I think understanding Transcendentalism and how it evolved is a good step towards that.