I got up earlier today than usual and even though I started painting at the same time I do every day, I was much more productive. I am assuming there is a correlation. It’s hard to feel rushed and productive at the same time. Is that deprivation mentality?
I started another library painting and two urban landscapes today. The library painting is of Dr. Eugene Clark Library in Lockhart. Although I’m painting San Antonio Public Libraries I thought I could make and exception for the ‘oldest continuously operating library in the state of Texas’. The Clark Library was built in 1898 and is a pretty incredible looking building. It’s tiny but has a lot of character. It’s not hard to picture yourself living in Lockhart at the turn of the last century and going to this library.
Lockhart is a little over an hour from San Antonio and I drove there a few weeks ago to do a plein air painting of it and to take photos. I didn’t know what I was looking for so when I drove up the block I was really excited. It’s a dark brick building with a dome on the top and several stained glass windows. Lockhart is an adorable town. I went on a Tuesday and the historic downtown was bustling. I was breathtaken by the sight of the Courthouse as I turned down Market Street. I definitely need to make another trip there so I can paint it.
Do you ever get discombobulated when your plans get changed by outside influences? I was planning on going to a library and an historic church this week to plein air paint - For those of you who don’t know, plein air painting is painting outside. Some painters use it as a study, others spend longer outside and finish before the sun moves too far - I have done both but lately I’ve been using the plein air paintings as studies. I have already painted four local libraries and the Lockhart library. This week I was going to visit St. Marks Church downtown and Cody Library Branch but got sidetracked by weather.
Monday I woke up to dark clouds but it never rained. We were supposed to get thunderstorms all week but so far it’s been dry. Monday evening I watched a band of thunderstorms on the doppler for hours. They were heading straight for San Antonio but moving at a snails pace. I was nervous because a few years ago we got hit with a thunderstorm and it took down a tree limb in my back yard that landed on my car. Ever since then I’ve had some weather PTSD. Anyways, Monday it looked like we were going to get slaughtered but as this band approached San Antonio the red and yellow cells just…separated. It was crazy. The thunderstorm split in half and went around the city. It looked like 1604 on the north and south sides of the city got drenched and we got nothing here in central SA.
Needless to say I have been a little disorganized all week. I just feel like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing but I’m forgetting. Maybe that’s part of deprivation mentality. I wish I didn’t feel so much pressure to get things done and be productive. I like being active but I don’t like feeling like there’s some looming deadline that I’m not prepared for. My plan is to exhibit my library paintings next April, which would give me plenty of time to paint them (29), but tell that to my inner critic.
One of the things I love about being a self-employed, full-time artist is being able to set my own schedule. I can drive to Lockhart on a Tuesday and I can drive downtown on a Monday. What I’m learning about being a full-time artist is that there’s a lot of things I need to mentally let go of. Money for instance - comes when it comes and doesn’t when it doesn’t. I’ve had a regular income for the past 20 years so it’s been hard to adjust to the ‘feast or famine’ income. I am practicing trust and faith that I will be ok, that the Universe has my back, and that there’s enough to go around. I am highly aware of deprivation and the deprivation mentality. Today I have enough and that’s all I’m going to worry about today.